good day to be a member of the gourd family

Today, for the first time in my life, I was presented with the occasion to use the word Cucurbitaceae in an ordinary conversation. "Ordinary" meaning that the conversation did not occur within that happily Latinate, mystical realm known as Botany Class. In Botany Class, it is not uncommon to throw around such rag-tag phrases as, "I see there are some Apion antiqumm affecting this Cytisus scoparius." (Translation: There are some weevils eating this scotch broom plant.) In fact, among fellow amateur Botanists, the person who can rattle off the highest number of phonetically-challenged Latin names in one sentence, wins.

"Wow, look how tall the Allium schoenoprasum are getting, and the Foeniculum vulgare is really healthy, but there's a couple of Trialeurodes vaporariorum flying around the Solanum esculentums."

I win.

Yes, it's true, once you cross over into the land of unabashedly unpronounceable botanical nomenclature, a rose is not even a rose. It's Rosaceae.

Simply because I can, I drop these multi-syllabic monstrosities on my botanically declined friends whenever possible—"Can you believe the Dicentra spectabilis is blooming already?"—but they're my friends and they’ve learned to ignore this sadistic spouting of plant names.

Aside from the name dropping, I also enjoy flaunting my penchant for completely unremarkable plant facts. I like to work in a little uninteresting information between the Latin abominations, and I'm especially fond of dishing tid-bits about the underdogs of the plant world. You know, give a small shout out to weeds, or liverworts (Hepaticophyta).

"Look at this beautiful Anthocerophyte! Did you know that hornworts typically have only one chloroplast in each cell?"

So, imagine my delight when, as I was having my hair shampooed at the salon, I noticed that the shampoo smelled like honeydew and asked my stylist what kind it was.

“Ummm, currr, cuuu, bita? Cuuu. . . oh, I don’t know. Something and Tea Tree oil.”

“Oh, Cucurbit,” I relished my helpfulness. “Cucurbits are the family of plants that include squashes and melons.”

“Like the Latin name or something?”

“Yeah, short for Cucurbitaceae.”