pretty porcupine

Chris said I was pretty like a bowl of granola,
and I never quite knew what that meant.

David said I looked pretty with make-up on,
but don’t think it was a compliment.

André called me mon petit chou,
which, I think, is French for “my little cabbage.”

And I thought that Kevin thought I was beautiful,
but one night he told me that I was just average.

Brian said I was pretty even with a mop on my head.
The mop, however, was my new hair cut.

Justin told me I was absolutely gorgeous,
but he was a notorious, conniving male slut.

Juan Carlos told me I had beautiful blue monkey eggs,
so I said maybe we should just speak Spanish instead.

Paul said I had unusually small nostrils,
but who really cares what Paul said?

Kyle told me I was the prettiest older woman
he had ever seen in his young life.

But Jason said I was his smallest porcupine,
and now I am his wife.